More "Pearl"-Bashing: "Neighborhood Notes" Wins Dippiest Blogroll Award

Let's have a look at the totally ludicrous shit that the many "Pearl District" "blogs" have to tell us. Of course, most of them are actually advertising in the guise of a blog. But that's the Pearl, baby! Creativity! Jasper Johns is at the front door of your loft right now, holding a tunafish sandwich in one hand and a copy of Dwell in the other! Let'm in! He just "scored" for some "charlie" down in Lake Oswego!!

"Neighborhood Notes" is the motherlode.  Here's a choice example of their puerile, brain-dead horseshit. Dig how they saw the word "multi-modal" on a website ten minutes ago:

When the Tram first opened we couldn't get enough of it. It was a multi-modal day trip that involved packing a lunch and bringing binoculars. We'd catch the streetcar out into the wilds of South Waterfront, take the tram up to OHSU, explore the gardens and atriums and decks that seem to hang off the edge of the hill. And then head to the river on our way back.
http://www.neighborhoodnotes.com/2008/05/urban-hiking-and-aerial-views.html

Day trip. You've got to be kidding me. Why aren't you at work? Anyway, this idiotic blog has links to all the other ones. They're, predictably, pretty much all marketing blogs -- I'm not sure why there's a different section for "Our Advertising Partners." I guess a blog is just an advertising partner that gets it free. Take for example, "The Pearl Of Portland." Take a look at their mind-numbing exegesis of the Barack Obama situation, the 1968 Paris student riots, and the New York Times -- or whatever the hell it is they figured spending five seconds thinking about qualified them to explain to the rest of us:

The 1968 generation of protesters in Paris, in the U.S., and yes in Portland, have birthed a new generation, and now comes the test of how those passionate lovers of humanity did as parents and as citizens....This election is a test of Portlanders who pride themselves on community and citizenship. This election is the test of an American generation.
http://pearlofportland.blogspot.com/2008/04/us-election-tests-generation-of.html

The link above takes you to the quoted text, but only as it is embedded amid a forest of ads for Pearl real estate and associated amenities. We note that the cheapest thing listed is down on yucky 4th and Flanders for $264,000; wonder how many bedrooms it has HA HA HA. Then again, in fairness, there are ads for jobs in the Pearl as well. These merit reproduction:

Latest Job Listing
* full time am line cook- bridgeport brewpub & bakery (nw pearl)  - May 13, 2008
* Cashier/Counter + Line Cook (Pearl)  - May 13, 2008
* Busser (The Pearl District)  - May 13, 2008
* Baker (The Pearl District)  - May 13, 2008
* Server - Fenouil (the Pearl)  - May 12, 2008

Hm, how about some apartments to go with those $8-an-hour Pearl jobs?

Craigslist for Apts
* Gorgeous McCormick Pier Condo with A/C!! (1040 NW Naito Parkway O-5/Portland) $1425 2bd  - May 13, 2008
* SPACIOUS STUDIO APARTMENT (PEARL DISTRICT) $1171  - May 13, 2008
* The Pinnacle - 1255 NW 9th #908 (1255 NW 9th #908) $1750 1bd  - May 13, 2008
http://pearlofportland.blogspot.com/

Live and work in the Pearl.
Let's move along to the "Pearl Insider." They haven't bothered to post anything for two months. When they have, it's about shopping.

We've always been huge fans of the Lucy store in the Pearl District (when you live in yoga pants, Lucy items are must-haves). Last year was our first Lucy warehouse sale experience. And it was overwhelming... in a good way. First, we pulled up thinking this was our little secret and it turns out half the city of Portland was there. The line wrapped down the block!
http://www.pearlinsider.com/2008/03/hold_us_a_spot_in_line.php

Yoga pants. "That's hot." Everyone knows they're just barista-pants with a higher price tag. But what other inside scoops does the Pearl Insider have for us? Here's a revealing, not to mention nauseating, tip. Or is it an ad? Hard to tell any more:

As the Pearl District has grown beyond its industrial-warehouse roots, it's inevitable that the unique artist lofts and one-of-a-kind living spaces are becoming harder and harder to come by. In fact, let's face it: it can be hard to tell one condo from the next if you don't take the step of putting your own personal touch and style into your home. Well, a gorgeous new solution to the "cookie cutter" nature of condo design has arrived. Architectural Elegance, which recently opened in the Pearl Design Center, is a boutique-style showroom offering some very unique and high-end hardware. One look at their selection, and you'll want to start replacing the hardware on every kitchen, bath and cabinet surface in your place!
http://www.pearlinsider.com/2008/01/bringing_architectural_eleganc.php

Thank god you don't live in Tigard with all those shallow, materialistic squares, huh? Their phony, plastic existence is the complete opposite of your sustainable, urbanistical ways. In fact, there's even a blog for how urbanly you are raising your kids! "Little Urbanites!" Which is, of course, a catalog in Pearl Blog drag, offering $250 highchairs:

We Have The Scandinavian Child Svan High Chair In Stock!!
We know how hard it is to find the scandinavian child Svan high chairs but we have some in the store right now! Please call 503-227-8729 or email info@littleurbanites.com to find out what finished we have in stock. Currently we have Mahogany, Espresso, Natural and Cherry.
http://littleurbanites.com/blog/blogs/index.php?title=we_have_the_svan_in_stock...

Even if they've never learned to capitalize the names of nations, luckily there's more than just selling the mahagony kid-furniture - they can even design your whole life so you are a sustainable little condo-proud phony just like all your Pearl neighbors:

As an additional benefit to our customers, Little Urbanites offers custom apparel design and interior design services at our store. We know how children prosper in environments that foster development and stimulate imagination.
Our goal is to facilitate these ideas into their rooms and closets.
http://www.littleurbanites.com/product.html

"Their closets?" How...weird. Anyway, who else do we have on Neighborhood Notes' blogroll? How about "Pearl District Blog"? Ah, nope, not a blog -- just a real estate site:

#725 is 1140 square feet and offered at $339,000!!! $297 Sq Ft
**Owner will finance, subject to approval**.This courtyard facing loft has 1140 square feet & could easily be made into a 2 bedroom...Taxes $258/year until 2016!
http://www.pearldistrictblog.com/pearl-district-blog.html

Or maybe "Perfectly Pearl"? Nope again - it's some sort of bridal business actually:

Whether it’s stylish and sustainable or elegant and refined, the Pearl District offers distinctive venue options for modern weddings.
Over 65 home furnishings merchants are available to create your personalized bridal registry.
Sophisticated boutiques offer custom jewelry, bridal gowns, stationery and other wedding-related accessories.
The City’s top hair, beauty and spa professionals will help you look and feel beautiful.
http://perfectlypearl.wordpress.com/about/

OK, let's try Pearl District Express...

How I Turned $400.00 into $6,000 in ONE WEEK
Written by admin on April 3rd, 2008 · No Comments · Tell-A-Friend
I know you are shaking your head and harrumphing in disbelief. I certainly would be. In fact, sometimes I still do that when I think about how incredibly easy it was [Read more ?]
http://www.pearldistrictexpress.com/

Uh, guess not. Jesus. Well what about "Portland's Pearl District?" More RE shilling but with amusingly handicapped language skills. [I think I caught most of the errors - here, I'll correct them so you can understand this gibberish]:

These lofts contain elegant and detailed designs, high-end amenities while retaining the building’s historic integrity [comma fault]. For example, each unit boasts exposed brick and heavy-timber structural beams. [comma fault]
You’ll also find 14’ ceilings, floor to ceiling bookshelves with rolling library ladders, and grand master suites with over-sized walk in closets. Kitchen feature new stainless steal [sp] gas appliances & rolling islands while many of baths [article] have deep soaking tubs and showers.
Since its mid-1990’s conversion, The Pearl has a cultural renaissance [tense agreement] and now offers outstanding restaurants, boutiques and art galleries, and Powell’s, the largest independent book store in the country.
By living at The City Lofts, you’ll enjoy all that the Pearl District has to offer. Plus, the streetcar or MAX light rail to more distant areas like Gresham to the east and Hillsboro to the west [fragment, no predicate].
http://www.portlandspearldistrict.com/

Wait a minute, here's one that sounds like the artistic, creative Pearl District we've been hearing about: "Lynnette Fusilier's Writing Blog":

The business of fashion has a new face. Say hello to Changing Room Magazine, a regional magazine that focuses on the business side of fashion retailing. It’s about time, right?
I’m really proud to be a contributor to this magazine (”Top 10 PR Tricks”) and look forward to reading the entire issue.
http://lfusilier.wordpress.com/

Nah, on second thought, she's disqualified - she's in on the wedding dodge:

I’m particularly proud of this issue because it was the direct result of a pitch I made to the Pearl District Business Association and the Oregonian on behalf of wedding-related businesses in the neighborhood

and is part of Neighborhood Notes itself anyway - conflict of interest! Conflict of interest!

Well, there are more, but strangely they mostly seem to be advertising things. I guess there aren't really too many Pearl District blogs after all. Or given the nature of the place, is it actually more fitting that in place of blogs, they have ads and marketing?

The Pearl District: It's like television, but in three dimensions! And just think, if they keep up with this wedding-destination angle, they'll eventually -- if such a thing is possible -- become even more like Beaverton than they are today.

 

Comments

[PDX Dilettante]

Thanks for putting a face on the Pearl District for me.

Portland city planners WANT these types of "creative class" people to live here and own property.

They also desire a generous sprinkling of tattooed-and-peirced older gen-xers and younger millenials to work the service industry jobs and provide a "colorful" backdrop for the rich folks so they can feel like they live in a "cool" city.

These people could be put in a bottle and floated out with the japanese current for all I care. We need another great depression to thin out their ranks

[surly]

And why aren't you at work?

[PG]

Cuz I'm busy wandering around OHSU like a moron? At 11 at night?

[Steve R.]

You're on a hot streak. Speaking of dippy, what did you think of the Neighborhood Notes whine about neighbors needing blinds? Priceless stuff!

http://www.neighborhoodnotes.com/2008/05/making-case-for-blinds.html

[happyrenter]

that littleurbanites site makes me literally sick. As the father of a beautiful 1 year old girl, I can't imagine subjecting a child to such stultifying conformity. And I thought BabyGap was bad.

[Sid]

Welcome to the final days of blogging: it's just like the end of personal Web pages, only with more advertising sites pretending to be link collectives. Since the last five years have demonstrated that any idiot can set up a blog and many have, it's pretty much inevitable that marketing scum have discovered that making their own blogs and trolling for links is much easier than getting other blogs to write about their dubious products. I'd love to hope for a world where the only people who read this garbage are those still trying to convince themselves that Kool-Aid is supposed to taste like urine, but unfortunately they also have a tendency to pollute other blogs, wave their arms, and scream "Look at me! Look at me!"

Ah well. If there's a bright side to the upcoming blog implosion, it's going to be that the marketing scum are going to chase the latest Web 2.0 wankfest that they read about in Time or Wired, leaving blogging to those who actually know something about their subjects. Besides, as I'm constantly pointing out, being able to write implies the ability to read, so that pretty much explains why most advertising and marketing blogs go nowhere.

[idiots of the world]

The hate monger is at it again. You really must have an unhappy life to spew this much hate, even more than BoJack. Do you kill babies for fun?

Really, what's the point. You serve no constructive purpose if all you do is point out everything you hate. Maybe it give you some satisfaction, and your minions get there rocks off being copycats.

If you think your blog is original or useful you are seriously misguided. It is nothing, just like you.

[PG]

^^Let the record state that I do not, in fact, actually have any "minions."

[happyrenter]

re idiots of the world:

Sounds like somebody is upside-down in their Pearl condo.

[DudeWheresPortland]

I thought I was the only person to hate the Pearl. I go down there (as infrequently as possible), and don't know where I am, or what planet these people are from. I guess it isn't cool to say "Go back to California" anymore because no one is local anymore, but I will still flip you off if you have CA plates, so better get em changed fast and try and fit in by buying yoga pants. Ha ha ha.

[Sid]

PG:

No minions? Shame on you. How can you be an appropriate symbol of evil to the flippers if you don't have any minions? Here: I'll chip in $5, which should be more than enough to get you PearlGirl for the week.

[idiots of the world]

The intellectual wit here is astounding. You've already made the "pay for sex joke" when does the "fart joke" come.

You all sound like the biggest bunch of cry babies in PDX. Bitch, bitch, bitch, wah, wah, wah.

You must have sorry little lives to spew this crap.

Oh, and I guess I gave you too much credit assuming you had minions. My mistake.

[Not Impressed]

You sound like a bitter person who resents the condo-buying class for having the means. Yes, they might write some dry blog posts and buy expensive high chairs. But who is really more pathetic, the people casually writing about stuff you don't care about, or the person taking time out of their day to isolate and cry about these blog posts after the fact? Get over yourself and do something productive.

[PG]

^^people on the internet, telling other people on the internet that being on the internet is a waste of time...man oh man, it just doesn't get any more internetty than this!

[Steve R.]

I should probably apologize for submitting this post to Oregon Reddit, which got it linked from the front page of OregonLive.com for the better part of the day (it's still there as of 8:30pm).

It really seems to have brought out the nasty condo dwellers, eh?

Too bad they haven't a clue about economic and cultural displacement (a.k.a. gentrification), and have to resort to attacking the messenger.

The fact that the Pearl "blogs" are little more than real estate pimpage speaks volumes about the precarious place Pearl condo owners must find themselves in. That sector is considerably overbuilt, and they keep building more.

How long before those $339K units start going for $300? Do I hear $250? How many new buildings getting converted to rentals will it take before the s.f. price drops to $200 or below?

[Annie]

I guess I'll volunteer for a little *minion* self-disclosure. The reason I don't like "these people" is because I feel like I could do so much better, wiser things with my time and money... if I were they. It's like in Psalms: "Oh Lord, why do the wicked prosper, while you forget about me!" ...or something like that.
Also, if they're NOT really rich and relaxed, and are somehow just faking it, I despise them even more!...and feel sorry for them.
I have an Aunt who had to go ask for food stamps and stay at a shelter in her silver Mercedes with her two Nordstrom's-clad kids. Her sugar-daddy had kicked her out for being a lazy drunk. But hey, it's okay, 'cause she sure *looked* good!
No, seriously... she found another sugar-daddy in no time!

[petrichor]

dude, you know i'm a fan of your blog, but you're kind of turning into bojack here, just not as pithy.

just saying...

[PG]

^^Oh I gotcha petrichor - I'm bookmarking trotskyite anti-gentro sites from Williamsburg as we speak, for the selfish likes of Jack Bog's commenting brigade WE ARE NOT, at least we hope...O how the tough and sinewy anti-hip gesture of defiance resists our pitiful gums...

[WillJongIll]

I don't get the "don't you have anything better to do - so people mentally jerk themselves off excessive materialism while pretending to be the opposite of what their life choices represent -"

Why point out the hypocrisy in that? Why do people climb mountains?

Anyway - I don't hate the Pearl District but it does tend to attract a certain type of people that baffle the mind... but what's worse than that is the people trying to sell something to those people... if you're target demographic is someone who's nuts -- pretty soon your sales technique will become equally mentally unsound +1.

[skeptictank]

"And just think, if they keep up with this wedding-destination angle, they'll eventually -- if such a thing is possible -- become even more like Beaverton than they are today."

Hey, don't insult Beaverton like that. A trip to the Beaverton Library reveals that Beaverton is ethnically diverse. The Pearl? Whitebread. There's even a weekly protest against the Iraq war out by the Beaverton Library - any protests in the Pearl? Not likely.

[Todd Mintz]

Any place that doesn't have acres of free parking and big box retail isn't worthy of my patronage. I'm suburban and proud of it.

[happyrenter]

I, for one, don't hate the "condo buying class," but I will admit to being infuriated to see those condobuyers receive tax-abatements at the same time that the Pearl district is sucking up all the tax revenue that could be used on the east side to PAVE THE DAMN ROADS. I guess Portland figures that streets and schools for the tax-payers on the east side aren't important. After all, we need a streetcar so trophy wives can leave the Land Rover parked while they shop during the day.

[Sid]

Ah, the condo trolls are out in force. I can't say as I'm really surprised: condo buyers are just as much in denial as most science fiction fans, only they're assuming that they're going to sell for more than what they paid. Compared to that insanity, assuming that some fat trog who wears his Next Generation uniform to work every day is somehow going to be given command of a starship is almost rational.

[Steve R.]

I would be curious to know what percentage of Pearl condo owners bought with the intention of flipping within five years, but are now in a reduced equity position (or outright upside down on their mortgage).

I'd also be curious to know what percentage of units have been purchased by out-of-town speculators who may be trying to dump their units now to cut their losses.

Of course, we'll never get a real accounting of this. But anyway you slice it, it's not pretty for the speculators. I can't help feeling a little schadenfreude over that.

[x]

http://cseh.blogspot.com/

[PDX Dilettante]

Steve R...I would be curious to get those stats too...

I do know that 41.65% of all residences (i.e. sfr, condo, townhome, etc) are *owned but rented out* So either a lot of Portland residents own these or out-of-state infestors.

Either way, 41.65% almost half the residences in Portland.

[PDX Dilettante]

Steve R...I would be curious to get those stats too...

I do know that 41.65% of all residences (i.e. sfr, condo, townhome, etc) are *owned but rented out* So either a lot of Portland residents own these or out-of-state infestors.

Either way, 41.65% almost half the residences in Portland.

[John N.]

I really don't understand the hatred here. I lived in the Pearl before it was what it has become and to say that gentrification occurred is revisionist at best and a flat out lie at the worst. Nobody lived there and nobody wanted to live there.

The class warfare that you are trotting out there is very similar to what the Republicans have been doing for years between rich and poor, urban and rural, black and white, Christian and non-Christian. Sure many publications exist to raise money from advertisers but that is how the model is set up. Publications or websites that do not raise money will not be around or are just doing for the love of it, it doesn't take a genius to see which ones are which.

Your wage vs. housing argument is also flawed. How many people live that close to any job? I have friends who live in SE and commute to Salem. And others that live in NE and commute to Beaverton. The fact that their is such good public transportation in the Pearl makes it possible for people to take these jobs. If your job skill is that of a busser then you probably can't afford an apartment a lot of places in the city.

[PDX Dilettante]

Bullsh*t John N...

The median household income in Portland is 47k and 3 out of 4 PDX residents make *less than 75k*. Yet, the median price of a home is 325k.

http://tinyurl.com/56kmpq

http://tinyurl.com/yv6jur

Traditional (i.e. responsible) lending practices are based on a 3x ratio of income to home price. Meaning a median priced home in Portland *should* be somewhere around 130k.

However, house prices are 2-3 times the historical ratio, clearly skewed. Purchasing property here has been possible for most people only through the use of alt-a, pay option, and subprime loan products, all of which have since disappeared from the menu.

So John N...it is not just the "busser" who can't afford to own property here, it almost 75% of the population!!! That is why, in the absence of funny money loans, inventory is rising and prices are falling. If you don't believe me, check out the latest RMLS stats

Why don't you take the time to do a little research and come up with some emperical evidence instead of coming here with your little "why so hostile?" spiel and claiming that republicans invented class war.